The shadow self, by Sara Rose, spiritual coach
The shadow side of ourselves is exactly what it sounds like, the darker side. We all have both a light side and a dark side. The Ying and Yang. Masculine and feminine. Like and dislike. We live in a dual universe, or as Albert Einstein called it, “the theory of relativity” And the shadow side is the dual side of ourselves that we don’t necessarily like much. This side of us can be years of built up regrets from the past, shame for things we had said or done out of anger or fear from the ego, labels of personality traits, victimization from pain, and the choices we have made, even since childhood. This shadow side likes to use the ego mind, and the ego mind will feed on the shadow aspects of you. They work as a team to get in your head and cause you to dwell on the past, thinking things such as: “I should have done this. I could have done that. Maybe if I didn’t say this. Or maybe I shouldn’t have done that. Maybe things would be different, maybe I would be different.” When in truth, there is literally nothing you can do to change the past, besides accept it. Sure, you can apologize to the people who you had done wrong, or hurt in any way, but that doesn’t change it from happening. These are only negative emotions that you are now carrying around with you, and, the person or situation from the past may not even be giving it a single thought. Now, it’s all in your own head, and you can’t remove it from the past. These negative emotions that you’re attached to are like little balls and chains, weighing you down everywhere you go. The more regrets you have, the heavier that weight is going to get over time. You can certainly push the past away, or swallow it all down and forget about it. But one day, the shadow side will come back out and cast right over top of you. You can’t run from yourself, that would just be useless. Holding onto these emotions, especially for years at a time, can create a mess inside the ego mind. If not confronted properly, the shadow sides of us can bring out mental issues like, depression, social anxiety, schizophrenia, and paranoia. The shadow side can also force some people to turn to drugs and or alcohol to mask the issues they are shoving deep down inside, making the situation much worse then it needs to be. Most don’t want to face these dark aspects that are trying to surface, so they will do whatever they need to in order to keep them hidden not only from the world, but from themselves. You may want to hide things from your past that you regret to save yourself from shame in front of others, but really, you’re hiding from yourself. It is you, VS, you. Always. If you had nothing to hide, then you wouldn’t care what others think. Let me explain why. You create your own reality around you, even the decisions you had made in the past. Everyone around you has been created in your own vision, your own perspective of your reality. Meaning, you see others the way you “want” to see them, and you see yourself the way you “want” to see yourself as well. Most don’t truly understand this concept, so they will believe how others view them, must be true. This is the opposite of how the universe and reality works; it is the mind that is tricking you into thinking this way. After all, who really cares what others think of you? Some people might answer that question saying, “Well, I care” But in truth, the only person who should care what you do, think, and say, is YOU! Considering you created everything around you. I know, this is sometimes difficult to understand, but it is true. This means, everyone around you is a reflection of what you need to see in any certain moment. Some people believe reality is like this so that you can see the faults that you need to work on. For instance, if you are in conversation with another person, and you find yourself being triggered in a negative way by most of what they are saying, then perhaps it is an internal issue.
I personally have to disagree with this concept. I believe this is because we can sometimes only see one point of view, one perspective of many different points of views. Meaning, the other person that is potentially irritating us might be bringing out a shadow side of ourselves from past karmas, past traumas, or maybe there is a lesson to be learned. It is your choice if you want to respond, or react. Our ego thinking mind likes to react, argue, and thinks that we need to defend ourselves, or some how prove that we are correct, and the other person is incorrect. When really, we don’t need to prove anything to anyone. We could simply choose to remain silent and neutral in a conflict of interest, and observe the person or situation. Nine times out of ten, it’s not the person or situation we are upset with, it is something from the past that was triggered inside of us, and it can be quite difficult to pin point the issue when we allow the emotions and the ego mind to take over without observing first. Switching the thought process to observing instead of reacting would save many arguments and disagreements, but the shadow side of us likes to think that we need to defend ourselves, because there is something to defend, which is usually regret and shame from an old version of ourselves. Or, the past. It may not even seem as so, but the subconscious has silently reminded you that you don’t like a particular word, phrase, scene, situation or even the vibration you are picking up from another person. How can we get rid of the shadow side? You can’t. Simple as that. This is where balance comes in. First, you need to accept the things that had happened in the past. Whether you hurt someone, or you were the one who was hurt. If you hurt people in the past, and you are consciously aware of this now, feeling the regret of it, then you need to accept this feeling. Accept that you were most likely a different person in the past who was reacting from the ego thinking mind, and now you have grown and expanded in consciousness. Once you can accept, you can forgive yourself. This may sound silly, but forgiving yourself can be extremely enlightening, and can free you from some of those chains holding you down. When we can cut some of the weight off that we have been dragging around for years, we then create space for new aspects of life to come in, people and situations that are vibrating on a higher level. Once you can forgive yourself, and accept that you are human, and that humans make mistakes for very good reasons, then you can let go of the past. If you are the one who was hurt, and you are holding onto this emotion from the past, this is called “victimization” and you will most likely remain in the victim mentality for years, or even a lifetime. Meaning, no matter the person or situation you’re having an issue with throughout life, you will always believe that they are picking on you, or they will somehow hurt you just as you were hurt before. When in reality, this is only something you have created in your mind, and brought into the reality that you have made by focusing your attention on constantly being the victim. The same concept can work in this situation as well. You need to accept that you were hurt in the past, forgive the person or situation that you were put in. You need to understand that everything happens for a reason, and it is usually to show you karma, or teach you a lesson you needed to learn. Lessons we are presented with are usually for our own greater good. We are shown the lesson, but may not know it is a lesson until years later when we have one of those “Ah huh” moments, suddenly understanding why a certain something had happened. But, we can’t see these lessons if we are holding onto all the dark aspects of ourselves.
Accept, forgive, let go. I know, some of you might be thinking, “no way! I’m not forgiving that person!” Once you do, you’ll understand why I’m suggesting this. Accept, forgive, and especially forgive yourself. Life is too short to hold onto these negative emotions, especially since we cannot change anything that has already happened. Our shadow side will always be there, but once you realize that you don’t need to let it control you, or that you don’t need to hide from yourself, you will be able to live a much more peaceful life. Every part of you is there for a reason. The good, the bad, the dark, the light, the past, the regret, the shame. You need it all. But, you don’t have to let the shadow cast over you. The past is for learning, it does not define who you are. You might even carry labels with you, like that you were uptight in the past, or hotheaded, or shy, or closed off, emotionally damaged. These are only personality labels in which you created, or others have pointed out in you, and you believe them to be true. Which is still what you have created, since it’s your show, your reality. If you don’t like the labels you have created, then rewrite the script. Easy as that. We can’t remove the shadow side; we can’t take it away or pretend that our past didn’t happen. But, we can stop putting a label on the events that occurred. If you say, or tell yourself that the situation or person from the past was a horrible experience, then what do you think your mind is always going to remember this as? Just that, a horrible experience. I’m not saying that you should try to make everything from your past a good experience, what I’m saying is that it doesn’t need to be labeled as anything. Not good, not bad, just simply an experience. Everything that happens is a lesson to be learned, it is the ego mind and shadow aspects of the human that categorizes if these happenings are positive or negative. Having a light side and a dark side should never be labeled as good and bad, but a whole of who you are on the inside, no matter what others think or say of you. The only thing that really matters is what you think or say of you. Most people who I ask, “Do you love yourself?” five times out of ten they will answer, “Yes, but I don’t like parts of my body.” Or, there is some aspect of themselves that they do not like. This is another example of the shadow. It’s okay to have the shadow, to know it’s there and be aware of the dual side of the universe, to be aware that there are aspects in life that we don’t much like. But if we stop putting labels on what we call negative experiences, then it will be much easier to accept what had happened and move on with life. Your life is happening now, so if you’re constantly stuck in the past with, should’ve, would’ve, could’ve, then you might miss out on the experiences happening right now. Life is always now, not yesterday, not tomorrow, it’s right now. Accept, forgive, let go, and enjoy what your reality is trying to show you in the moment. This is a great recipe for a successful life. The moment you stop running from the demons in your head, and instead you choose to love them, when saying yes to life, both shadow and light, your suffering will be done, and you will come alive. Learning to accept the shadow side of us is learning how to bring balance into your life. We can’t make the shadow go away, but we can learn to respect and love the darker aspects of ourselves. Some use scales or a pendulum when explaining this metaphor, but I like to say that it is an eternal dance with the self. Learn to love and dance with every labeled aspect of who you are, and you’ll notice how quickly the weights of the past begin to fall off. Losing this weight will create new space, new creative idea’s, new inspirations, and a completely new outlook on your life and reality that you have created around you. Even the people in your reality will notice a difference, which will change the way they see you. The people in your reality only see you the way you see yourself. Look deep down inside, then ask yourself, “Do you love every part of who you are?” Love is an energy frequency, an extremely high level of frequency, and when this is the vibration you are in, then it will diverge outwards to others around you, creating a positive state of reality. Accept who you are. Accept the past. Accept the shadow. Forgive others, and situations. Let go, and learn to love every bit of who you are. This is how we balance both dual aspects of ourselves. This is how we move on and begin to enjoy the now moments without bringing up the past and who we once were. Let that person go, that’s not you anymore. How do I know that? Because that is the entire point of this experience on planet Earth. We are to learn, grow, expand, ascend, enlighten, teach, and experience.
I truly hope this article was of some help, and please do remember that these are my own opinions.
Until next time, stay safe, stay true, and don’t forget to smile.
Warm blessings to all.
Let it go
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