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Famous Quotes:
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become”
~ Carl Jung
“Some memories never leave your bones, like salt in the sea; they become part of you”
~ Paulo Coelho
“To survive trauma, one must be able to tell a story about it”
~ Natalie Rogers
Childhood traumas, By Sara Rose
Please keep in mind when exploring my blog posts or newsletters the contents inside are always of my own opinion. I do not, nor have I ever claimed to be a child therapist. This article was written from experience, observation and a natural intuition as a spiritual coach to analyze human behaviors. Thank you for understanding.
Childhood traumas can come in many shapes and sizes. They can even be unseen by the adult who is silently suffering from them deep inside. Most people don’t even know that they have childhood traumas. When asked how their childhood was, and what it was like, the most popular answer is, “it was fine, kind of normal” However, how and who defines normal? A “normal” childhood can be explained by sharing things like, “my parents were decent” or “my parents had money to take care of me” followed by a quick shrug to end the conversations about the persons childhood. Sure, that certainly sounds like a “normal” childhood, but there is always something missing from each statement, something the person didn’t want to get into detail about because they most likely don’t remember, or they want to continue shoving it down inside, usually subconsciously. There are the obvious traumas that some have endured as children, such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, or cruelty of any kind.
These are deep wounded traumas that will need time for understanding and healing. But what about the traumas that are not so easily identified? Most childhood traumas are passed down from generation to generation, and this toxic pattern won’t be broken until one generation is able to recognize the trauma and correct it in the next. We are the way we are, because of childhood traumas and conditioning from childhood. For instance, if a child feel that they do not get enough attention, then later in life as an adult they might show traits from this trauma which could look like “people pleasing” or they are unable to create healthy boundaries with others. Or, if a child is left alone more often than not, they might grow up with abandonment issues, which can steam into Co-dependency issues with others. A child who is unable to state their opinion or express emotions because they were told doing so is wrong, might have issues with lying as an adult, or feel they don’t have a voice later in life.
These may not seem like bad traumas, but the way we were raised plays a huge part in who we will become as adults. A child who believes that their siblings were more important or the “favorite” might find themselves constantly trying to please their parents well into adulthood or even choose a favorite child of their own later in life. A grown woman might find herself in a repeating toxic pattern of partners who are alcoholics and are verbally abusive. Odds are her father was an alcoholic. Or even a woman who repeatedly finds herself in physically abusive relationships. This might stem from believing that it is “normal” to be treated that way, because odds are she watched it happen in her home as a child. This can also result from a father figure being absent from the child’s life. And absence can mean not in the picture at all, or a father who is emotionally unavailable, or even neglects the child. These traumas are what we label as “daddy issues” and can show in our adult lives in many different ways. Some women could grow to be untrusting of men if they have witnessed abuse in their childhood, resulting in self-sabotage of most, if not all, relationships she engages in. Having an absent father, or lack of attention from a father can result in young women seeking attention from other men, and this is mostly in a way that self-worth is not considered. In other words, a young woman might hop into bed with multiple men to find a missing piece of her that can never be replaced, or she might have difficulties staying in long-term relationships.
These traumas are not only subject to women, but they will also affect young boys growing into adults as well. A young man who was raised without a mother might try to find love in multiple women. Or a boy who was abused by a mother mentally or emotionally might try to please women as an adult with no self-worth. Meaning, he will subconsciously allow his partners to mentally, emotionally and even physically abuse him because he believes this is okay. Statistics actually show that men who were raised by an abusive or absent mother will later in life lack the emotions needed to sustain a healthy relationship or be able to give and receive love. A man who was raised without a father figure might try to impress or compare himself to other men later as an adult. All of these traumas are usually formed by conditioning from the parents; being told to sit still, sit up, only speak when spoken to, don’t act like this, don’t act like that. This is confusing to a child and strips away free will and the urge to explore and a sense of wonder. Then, the children who were conditioned, will continue this pattern with their own children because that is the way they learned how to be raised “properly”. That being said, it is not your parents fault for any childhood traumas you might be trying to work through. You need to remember, they were raised by completely different people, who had their own perspective of how children should be raised and how they should behave. Meaning, your parents are who they are because of conditioning and their own childhood traumas. If they continued a toxic pattern when raising you, it is because they were unable to identify their own childhood traumas and put a stop to the pattern. Your parents did the best that they could with the conditioning and circumstances they were put in, or the cards they were delt, as they say. The first thing we can do to change the pattern is to be aware of the childhood traumas and accept them. Everyone has them, it’s not just you, trust me. Everyone. These traumas are what make you the person you have become as an adult, and helped shape every label you have as a personality. There is nothing wrong with having childhood traumas, it’s how we heal from them and move on to raise our own children that counts the most. Sometimes it takes some digging and deep soul searching to bring these traumas into the light, but once you do, and accept them as a part of you, then the healing can begin.
Healing from childhood traumas can sometimes take time and seem difficult, and some might seem easily done and forgotten. The next step after acceptance is forgiveness. Like I said, it’s not your parents fault for the conditioning, it was all they knew. So, forgiving a parent for being absent in any way will help to accept and should give you a sense of freedom. Forgiveness means you can see things from their perspective and shows understanding, and that is something all humans crave. Understanding. After forgiveness comes the best part! Now, you can move on and change the toxic patterns by teaching your own children to heal from their childhood traumas. And no, it doesn’t matter how old your children are and if they now have children of their own. It also doesn’t matter if your parents are no longer here. Forgiveness comes from within the heart and doesn’t need to be spoken words. My father is passed on, but he knows I forgive him, because he is within me, and lives on through my own children. Next, forgive yourself for any childhood traumas you might have passed down to your own children. Tell yourself that you did the best you could with what you had and what you knew at the time. Help your own children identify their own childhood traumas so they can help their children and so on. This is how we break childhood trauma patterns and pass it on to each generation.
TIPS FOR HEALING:
Do something a child would! Finger painting, playing with playdough or clay, colouring or sidewalk chalk. These activities can bring out the child within and help heal.
Do something with your own children or grandchildren that you didn’t get to experience as a child.
Play outside! Go to a playground and swing on a swing, slide down a slide, roll in the snow, or even build a snowman.
Take your kids or grandkids somewhere where kids can be kids and run free. Like the beach and build sandcastles with them.
All of these activities will bring out the child within and give you a sense of childhood that you might be missing from the different traumas. You’re never too old to be a kid again!
I would love to hear about your healing stories!
~ What have you done to heal?
~ Is there anything you would add to my article to help others heal as well?
~ What would be your best advice for identifying triggers?
Like, share and leave your comments for all to see.
Thanks for interacting, building a strong spiritual community is one of my passions!
We rise together.
Until next time, take care of yourself and others.
Sara Rose
#spiritualblog #spiritaulblogpost #childhoodtraumas #Healingthepast #healing #spiritualhealing #healingtraumas #healingtriggers
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